Your beautiful letter came this morning.....now, it's my turn to feed you with some home truths. All my reservations and intuitions had solid grounds after all. I don't know why I ever bothered to waste my time having all these reservations, when initially I knew what the outcome of this.....(can't find the word to name it, whatever it is) would be. I don't think this will hurt you cos I don't think you possess the capacity of knowing how to be hurt is like. Like I've told you the other night, I'd expected this to happen - so, quit worrying that you've made me sad. I'm putting into practice my motto - "Once bitten, no longer shy; twice bitten, tak shy terus"!!!
I guess the time has come for us to go our separate ways - for good. So don't try to spare my feelings. I've managed to survive the torture once before and I'll definitely survive it again - easily. Come to think of it, I honestly wonder why on earth did you have to come back into my life that night - more than a month ago. To tell you the truth, I was doing nicely before your so-called return. Don't bother telling me about the real you. I'd rather we part with me knowing the you I've known - no matter how misleading it may be. Furthermore, you've said that "to explain would take such a long time" and I think neither of us has that much time to spare. Also I'm certain that I'll never, never, never understand you. I guess no one really understands nobody anymore!
Now, you can freely kick me out of your heart. I don't think your heart can stand the strain of holding two people within it. It'll overwork, you know. You don't have to tell me who the other somebody is. It doesn't matter one bit to me.
Okay, start at the beginning by all means. With much sincerity in my heart, I wish you all the luck in the world. May you find happiness and all the peace of mind that you need in future.
I was never really in the dark, cos subconcciously, a bright light shone over me. I guess I've said everything there is to be said for now. I won't be so egoistic as to say that I've made you unhappy or sad cos I don't think you'll be feeling either sensation. On the contrary, my intuition (and I trust my intuition very much!) says that you'll be overcome with a great sense of relief. So I'll leave you to enjoy your new found happiness.
P.S.
My wish is that we won't bear any grudges against one another. What is being done is for the good of all concerned. "All that a man can offer is himself, if he is sincere and strong."
(Signed, sealed and delivered sometime in May 1974)
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