.....Found, virtually.....

I found a long-lost good old friend virtually, today. Needless to say, a whole lot of nostalgic memories came rushing back.....Those were the days!

.....A Failure.....

A 'Failure' of the 1st degree - that's Me!

Sob, sob, sob.....Boo hoo hoo!

(^_^,)

.....Remembering Significant October Dates.....

10th October
On this date in 1982, my Princess was born.....

12th October 2013
My youngest sibling, Allahyarhamah Rodziah Binti Abdul Rahim aka Odi (12.10.1965 - 24.06.1979), would've turned 48 on this date. Al-Fatihah.....

16th October
My one and only brother, Allahyarham Abdul Razak Bin Abdul Rahim (25.04.1956 - 16.10.2004) expired on this date, nine years ago. Al-Fatihah.....

19th October 2013
My sixth sibling, Rashidah Binti Abdul Rahim aka Chip, turned 54 on this date.....

.....Feeling Miserable with a Capital 'M'.....

          I'm feeling Miserable, with a capital 'M' today. Sad to say, that I'm still about to touch on, and write about more 'unhappy' things, or are they, the 'same old unhappy things'? The latter, I reckon! It looks like 'Happiness', in the true sense of the word, has been deluding me, for the longest time. The catalysts for my 'down' feeling, are two-pronged this time around. 

          One, it's the 'unknown' (really!) state of my being. The so-called 'unknown', honestly, has triggered a lot of 'negativity' within me (and I do mean A LOT!). I'm aware that certain 'things' are practically inevitable, but still!.....It's disheartening.....really, really disheartening!

          The second 'sadness-inducing' factor is best left unwritten, unsaid and unexplained. Suffice it to say that I've long given up on this matter. It's just a mere waste of my breath and my energy to be overly concerned with this state of affairs. Sigh!

          As a means of taking my mind off  these 'sickening thoughts and feelings', I have been channeling my energy into doing my own therapy, in the form of sewing some pretty (if I may say so, myself!) patchwork pieces. They definitely do bring some respite to me.....Thank goodness! 

.....The Sarigar Curse.....

I'm sad to say that the Rahim Progeny have been living under a 'curse', since the demise of both our beloved parents in the '70s. I have dubbed this phenomenon, 'The Sarigar Curse', named after the evil perpetrator, "Sarigar" (not his real moniker). I'm really certain that this sad state of affairs is the result of the 'witchcraft', which had been cast upon us, by the aforesaid specimen. Ever since the passing of our beloved Dad and Mom, the nine Rahim Offspring, seemed to be sadly drifting apart. We always seemed to be 'squabbling' at one time or another, and these squabbling may be 'loud' at times, or 'silent with very strong undercurrents'. Gone are the love, the joy, the laughter and the fabulously good times that we used to share during our growing up years. A few of us have literally turned into 'strangers' and 'monsters', forever getting into each other's nerves and throats. Our lives are literally in a 'turmoil'. 

It's disheartening to note that good wholesome family life is practically non-existent. Only 'dysfunctional families' rule. Sad to say that the 'Rahim Lineage' is not being maintained and procreated, so to speak, as would have been the ardent wish of our late parents.  I know, and I'm aware that all these sad state of affairs and occurrences have been 'written  sejak azali lagi' by Allah SWT, but still, I can't help but feel extremely sad that a certain vengeful 'psycho' can wreak so much 'havoc' and cast so much 'unhappiness' on all of us, who are truly the unfortunate victims of circumstances. If he had harboured anger and dissatisfaction with our parents, why then make us, the 'younger generation', suffer?

My fervent hope is that he'll be getting his just desserts in the afterlife. As for now, the extremely irreversible damage has been done. The remaining Rahim Progeny is still disintegrating further and it seems that no end is in sight for this sorry state of affairs. It's as if there's absolutely no real and true 'sibling love' that exists in our hearts, anymore! It's really and honestly SAD! (^_^,)!!!!!



.....Killing Me Softly.....

     The same old nonsensical stuff seem to be 'killing me softly'. Stuff related to certain specimens, stuff related to the CBs plus the other stuff too. Topmost crap on the list is their individual sickening attitude, which have been slowly sucking the life out of me. Indifference, utter laziness, taking things too much for granted plus indulging in useless and wasteful activities, have been 'crap', that I have to contend with, since time immemorial.

     Needless to say, I've been feeling miserably disappointed, beyond measure. This accumulated stress and tension have triggered a whole lot of negative reaction within me.....physically, mentally and emotionally. Of late, especially, I feel that my health is taking a massive 'downward tumble'. I've been bugged, at one time or another, by a multitude of health issues, in the likes of:-

1.   Vertigo (Dizziness)
2.   Endless yawnings
3.   Flatulence
4.   Bodily aches and pain/cramps
5.   Creaking joints
6.   Carpel tunnel syndrome
8.   Diarrhoea
9.   Urinary tract infection
10. Night sweat/excessive body heat
11. Fever, flu and cough
12. Extreme fatigue and
13. Severe Depression

     A few of these may be related to the Big M phenomenon, but the rest are definitely stress induced. I can safely bet that my personal doctor cum confidante thinks that I'm only 'psychologically ill'. Me? A 'psycho'? Hmmmmm..... I've also been labelled a hypochondriac, BUT one thing's for sure, the illnesses and discomfort that have been hounding me are certainly for real. I'm not just faking things, okay? As long as the 'triggering factors' still exist, I'll most definitely, be 'killed softly'.....SIGH!

.....Of Feeling Downright Rotten.....

Yeah, smiling while hiding my sadness and PAIN certainly is not an easy task to do! Oh! I don't know! Of late, since turning 64 precisely, I find that my health condition has been like a Yo-Yo. Some days, I'll be feeling so sick and so fatigued, and on other days, I'll be a-okay and feeling on top of the world, so to speak. Since early September 2013, I've been feeling so damned rotten. My whole being felt dismally unhealthy, what with the excruciatingly aching shoulders, arms and legs. A certain brand of medicinal patches were applied on the painful spots, all over my body. These patches did their bit to dispel the discomfort. Accompanying the aches and pain, was the flatulence problem, which is equally irritating. Slatherings of  medicated oil were applied, so as to achieve some measure of relief. I honestly do not know as to what exactly is going on, in and within my constitution. Most times, I feel so damned hopeless, having to contend with this 'roller-coaster' kind of feeling - feeling utterly sick, alternating with short spasms of feeling good. My confidante's (Dr H) diagnosis, made on Friday, 6th September 2013, was that my 'unstable emotional and mental being' is playing havoc with my 'physical self'. He urged me to take things easy and not to delve too much into things. My hope is that his diagnosis is correct, but then, only Allah SWT knows the real truth, and He's certainly not telling..... just yet.

Actually, I 'm trying my level best not to think too much about 'things', by keeping myself busy and really sweating it out. But sometimes, my 'chronic fatigue' gets in the way. Sigh! Nonetheless, during the times when I'm feeling good, I'll really be doing lots of things - menial and mundane chores plus my hobby-related activities, alike.